I come to the study hall after a binge of pot smoking at home. It always seems strange: why do I do this to myself? If the world is experienced as a bit of a nightmare in this state, why is it that I still seek these things? I see my addictions in sleep: they come feeling inevitable and perhaps it is even healthy to allow the addiction to take possession, for these are moments that are meant to be experience with great humility.

I know, from experience, that writing under the effects of your master is useless, and yet here I am, sitting stoned at the Study Hall. I opened Sublime Text, but then remembered the promise I would make to myself: to never touch the code when I was high, as this would cause corruption. I take a peek at the code, and though I may not touch the code, would it corrupt the product, to think about it while stoned? Indeed, pot induced flights of fancy demonstrably don’t take off. Indeed, once should not get stoned in pregnancy.

And so here I am, trapped in my mind, with narrowing possibilities of thought. I cannot write about addiction, and I cannot think about the virtuegraph. What can I do? And the topic circles back to addiction. I shall allow myself to look into the experience from consciousness: how to describe the experience, what is is that I find here that I do not find when I am sober? I shall describe the circumstances:

I am at a study hall, of modern architecture. I feel comfortable here, I have been coming often, and usually bring a thermos of tea and soberly code what I am producing at this stage of my life. I sometimes cause myself these dramatic shifts in conscience, I come to suspect, is to be brave enough to confront the world in the form of adventure. I see this person is more akin to the kid, painfully shy, receptive to the fault. A beautiful student just came to sit close to me, she is wearing the kind of blouse that I like. I take notes of where my attention goes without judgement. Let us experience the focus of attention.

Can one control the direction of attention? I would have answered in the negative before meditation, but now I see it as a question of focus. Focus is simply placing your attention at a single point of existence, and this is best accomplished through meditation. Let us escape this “living nightmare” sensation of pot induced paranoid thoughts, and to come into reality.

I breathe in, and I feel my lungs constrained, allow us to find the best position to write. Endless procrastination is pot, but these things are useful for the person who works sober, so allow us to use the increased “inner world” to investigate into it. Yes, I can think about this, there is not harm in this exploration.

I sit straight, my neck always cranes down, I could go get my aliminimum support, but I know it is useless. The endless tweaking of one’s workplace is a trap which I know. What can I do, with the things I have. Relax the shoulder. Close the eyes, there is no need to see what one is writing. Editingwill come later. I listen to Spanish music in the background. I was enchanted by Paco de Lucía, and then came to see him play Dos Aguas with his eyes closed, deeply focused. “There is flow!”, this is where we ought to be all the time. I have opened my eyes and the rush has flowed away. I am back in state of no-flow. Allow us to see what slides we have to continue thought.

I become aware of my legs, my legs are curled underneath my chair. It strikes me as a rather gollum like position. Let us plant feet on the ground. Feel the energies come up through the floor. Your feet are connected to a living Planet. A living City. A living Building. A living Room. A living Person. In this fractal of livingry, I am the last expression of consciousness, because everything that precedes me collected itself in the wisdom of humanity, and thus the fractal into which I project myself becomes infused with earthiness. Shall I come into the Shamanic experience to explain this? If I come into a deeply personal aspect, I will need to put this off limits for publishing. It is already perhaps. I’m guessing only an older, sober person can decide of this should be published, and that I give myself the liberty to write about the freedom of the heart.

Indeed, let us go into this aspect of living, how can we accomplish freedom in the heart, so that we accomplish freedom from what enslaves us. I look in the heart and it aches, I am still healing, for I have an underlying sense of pain. There is no reason to have pain in existence, but even my back feels tense, allow us to come deeply into relaxation. There we go. I breathe with my stomach, and continue the train of though. It is 16:26, and I will have to receive visitors soon. I will have to go back home and perhaps I need to prepare anything? Yes, I had to tasks:

  • Let Alberto know about the free days
  • Answered whatsapp messages

I was thinking, perhaps a better technique would be to write about the philosophy of action while stoned. Indeed, the philosophy of action must be confronted by it’s nemesis, because as of late I come to smoke and do nothing but lazy about while thinking my supposedly sophisticated thoughts. What non-sense is this. I am an isolated human being, I am, I am, the ego complains all the time. I am the awareness, but what relation should one keep to the ego? It is a little child, we need to allow it to play while sober, not enough play is provided. This is true. If all action is play, the purpose is not capacity but enjoyment. How will I come to enjoy that which is what I’m doing? The students ahead have gotten distracted and are not helping in concentration, though they are beautiful and a blessing to all of existence, what beautiful mandalas does the world provide to us. The capacity for beauty to take our problems away, and to immerse ourselves in experience should be appreciated. Everything that is flow is sacred.

Action. I shall come back home and pick up the package for Prosperidad. I would like to fix that goddamn window, and it seems that the hot season has begun, so we must allow ourself to fix the windows of the airbnb apartment. Jordanka lands 21:14, I estimate she will arrive around 23:00. So I have plenty of time. I have my last joint waiting for me at home, and I now that shall be smoked at a victory joint for a good day. So this is action:

  • Go pick up the prosperidad package.

How to maximize experience according to the virtuegraph conventions. Allow us to close our eyes, and to come to investigate what is is that we can find about our normal commute back and forth from home to the study hall. To find the micro improvements that one can incorporate into life. I see that there is a jumping park under the bridge, but that I seldom go there and do anything. Even a couple of bars is fine. You don’t need to do all exercise, but you need to add some oxygen to the brain, to pass the effects of pot and the laziness induced.

  • Do at least a couple of bars before going home.

I was thinking to myself: perhaps I ought to register how much time it takes me to come back home, but this information is useless, it depends on the traffic signals, and I’m not going to be running around in order to save time. Let us simply go where experience is maximized.

  • Write about the next steps as they are done.

I am actually enjoying this form of experience, it is like when I had my journal and I would come to dump my consciousness as it happened, no judgement. I will accomplish these tasks, and then come to write about it again, and in this state I can reflect on the experience and not worry too much. I have five hours starting now, until the guests arrive, I shall be sober surely by then. It is time to leave.

I came for the propsperidad package, I did NOT do at least a couple of bars, this can be explained, And I am writing about the next steps to be done.

I have served myself the tea which I forgot to bring. Allow us to taste it. It is black tea. It is bitter. It has an unpleasant flavor, which I think comes from Stevia. The Stevia bottle costed 2,5Euros, rather than ruin my 5eur tea with it, I shall forgo it in the future. Be more aware of Flavor. But this is Future Work. Allow us to make the list:

Experience flavor Let us see that we add notes each day

No, not here, a virtuegraph needs to be built, it shall be a simple table, indeed. I begun building my virtuegraph, but I need my application to actually do this.

  • Spoke with mom

Actually Mom called me, but I put this as “spoke with mom” as it is virtue and comes without effort. We must not associate effort with virtue, it is quite the contrary. We don’t “work hard” we “work smart”, putting effort where it is most important. I breathe and I feel a contraction in the brain. I get this when I smoke pot, and I like to think about them as muscle. I have been doing kegel exercises, and it is somewhat akin to discovering parts of the body which were unknown to you. The brain too, contracts itself as a muscle, and though not thought pass through it, it expunges the thoughts that are not useful, separates the wheat from the chaff. No cleverness in the approach.

All I need to accomplish today is to have the prosperidad apartment ready. I can take my computer and keep on this activity stream, as it is interesting. I was seeing double with my left eye upon coming home. I was completely weirded out by the experience, for I did not experience it before going to the study hall. It seems to stem from dryness of the eyes, the residue of pot smoking, for as it dries the mouth (which has been ameliorated with the tea), it also dries the eyes. To be able to see clearly again, seems to be a worthy goal:

  • Recover my vision

I did not have any sort of eyedrops, so I simply used water. I this enough? it seems not, but there is little else I can do about it, so I shall accept it. 5:50, let us say that we desire to be there between 7pm and 8pm. Let us see the time at which the hardware shop closes:

  • Find at what time the store closes

But I seem to be unable to get google. Ferretería closes at 8pm, so I need to arrive, take the handle out, and bring it to the store. Let us put the limit at 19:30pm. It is 18:00. That is one hour away. I find myself thinking I might find it more fun if I smoke now instead of later, these thoughts they tempt me at each step. That is why I don’t like keeping pot around, I cannot control myself and I feel stupid for it.

But there is no source of conflict, it is conflict in the un acceptance of this reality, the avoidance of conflict is what brings me here, to this state, so that I can notice there is nothing wrong with reality. Spain is a beautiful place, very unique mandala, which is healthy.

I see that I left a bit of a mess in the kitchen since the morning, I shall use this spare hour to clean this house, so that I can go and proceed with the house in Prosperidad. For how dare one go clean another person’s house, and not keep his own in the utter most organized state. How dare one have the room of a stranger better prepared than his own? Well, let us not get high on the horse, stop writing, putting everything in it’s place for at least 45 minutes, and then leave for prosperidad. This is god’s will.

  • Pick up what is out of it’s place.